Rezeki for a better Muslim

January was a fine month. Alhamdullillah. I have put in more thoughts on becoming a better Muslim. Insyaallah, I will do better as time passes by.
Now, what is a good Muslim, you may asked (as if people do read my blog.. hehe)? Various definitions if you ask Mr Google. All of them are true, must be.
To me, being a good Muslim is where you live your life based on the requirements and teachings of the Al Quran and you practice your daily life based on how the Prophet Muhammad PBUH did. If you can't adopt all, you must have the wanting to do so in your heart. Insyaallah, with all the dua' asking from Allah Al Mighty, He will lead you to that path. Ask, and He shall grant.

For the past couple of months, I have been getting wedding photography jobs constantly. It took a lot of my free time. I remember Ustaz Azhar Idrus did said, if you are a photographer, do take the right photos. Don't shoot women without hijab as you will have to take some share of her sins if the photographs are viewed by other people. I could'nt place restrictions on my clients if they do not want to put on the hijjab. It is still up to them. However, I can choose not to be their photographer. Yet, there are other people whom I photographed which does not wear the hijjab. That is a big problem. I can't be selective on where my lenses are to shoot.
After putting it some thoughts, I decided that I am going to quit doing what I like to do in my past time. What is the point of wanting to be a better Muslim, yet I am not doing what I am suppose to do. It is simply not right. Insyaallah, rezeki Allah tentukan. Kita hanya perlu memohon pada yang Maha Mengetahui.

On the same note, I also do talks and trainings on Personal Money Management. Probably this is the better choice to do, to get extra income. At least, I can blend in some Islamic teachings during the talk. May Allah bless me with what I want to do.

Hanya redha Allah yang hamba Mu cari.

Changes in life

Hoh wowww.. my last entry was 2 years back. Pergh.. time passes by very fast. Things change in a matter of seconds.

I am now married with a todler of 9 months old. His name is Adam Qhaleef. I wanted to name him Adam Adli for obvious reasons. This is the 3rd marriage of mine. My second marriage lasted for only 8 months 10 days for reasons I shall not reveal here. But it was a blessing in disguise.

My eldest son is in form 4 now, did'nt went through with flying colours on his PMR. I kinda expect that but it does'nt make me sad though. I told him that PMR is just another hurdle in life. More importantly he must never give up. I wanted him to see that I never gave up on life. We just have to go through life one step after the other. It is not a giant leap. And success is not measured by what you turned out to be when you are older. It is about what you feel inside. One can be poor but at peace with himself. You dont want to be rich and have sleepness night, right?

My only daughter is err.. err.. phewww.. I dont really know what she is up to now. Yes, she is in Form 2 but how is her studies? Is she wearing a hijab still? She got boyfriend already? Opps.. I gotta do something about this. There are a lot of things that I misses out on her. Period.

My children from my 1st marriage is back in their mother's hometown since late last year, Dec 2011. It has been a year that I did not see them. Only God knows how I misses Aniq and Athirah. Though we are apart, they are always in my heart, most of the time.

I pity my Mum for what she had to go thru for these past couple of years. I wish, I could turn back time so that we can mend things for the better.

Dearest Mum, I promise you I will listen to your grief. Insyaallah.

My in-laws are great people. Thank you for accepting me as what I am. I could not have ask for more.

This year is the year that I wish for a better life. I've told a friend, my resolution for this year is to improve my life in terms of appearance, monetory and my taqwa.
Dad used to say that I am selekeh when I was young. My financials were not that good, ill-managed. My spiritual life was haywire.
I want to be presentable. I want to be able to provide for the need of those dearest to me. And I want to be a better Muslim.

And I shall write again.

A loser

Writing a blog is like telling the whole world about your secrets. You never know who would be reading them. At times, I wanted a specific person to read what I wanted to say and know what I feel inside. But that is like inviting controversy..

Life have been so 'tunggang terbalik' for the past 1 year.

Met people, got involved, forgotten and cursed, hatred and lost; caca merba all together.

And the hardest thing in life is to admit that we have weaknesses. Mine are:-

1. I am still not sure what I wanted to achieve in life. Is it a peaceful life with someone called a wife? Or having to meet new people day in day out, sharing stories and going thru all sorts of adventure?
2. My religious duty is not as 'mantap' as how it should be at this age. Scarry huh?
3. Losing someone who understands me due to my own mistakes in the past. It haunts me from time to time, no matter how hard I tried to get over it.
4. My obligations towards upbringing of my children.
5. Stopping my bad habit of smoking. I cant seem to find a reason to stop, for me to hold on to. I hope they increase the price to RM20 a stick.

Oh boy, the list can go on and on.. Am i a loser?

Map to Roslinda's place

Click on the above map to enlarge it...

When things happen out of a sudden

I am still in a very shocking state while writing this piece..

A few months ago, a dear friend of mine had passed away. It was a tragic accident that took his life, leaving behind a wife and their baby. I was told that he died because of internal bleeding. A couple of close friends and me drove back to his hometown to meet his parents and offer our condolences. I can still remember those times when we would hang out near the emergency door puffing cigarettes. We used to joke around with his tie. You see, Arwah Akashah will always wear the same tie no matter what colour his shirt is. It doesn't really bother him that they doesn't match as long as he got his neck tie on. A simple and humble person he is.. I truly miss his presence.

Today, as I was reading through the blogs, I came across this update.

I met up Arwah Syukree last Sunday during the Mesra Rakyat virgil. He told me that he is a reporter at one weekly newspaper. We talked about his work, KT elections and that he had been going to the virgils since the 1st day the virgils were held. I am a bit sad that we lose someone who truly believes in what he does. May you rest in peace, my friend. Semoga tuan ditempatkan bersama2 orang2 yang soleh.

And even if you are no longer with us; we will carry along the spirits and believes that was always with you.

Kematian adalah sesuatu yang pasti. Tidak kira siapa kita, apa yang kita ada hanyalah satu pinjaman dari Nya.

Alfatihah buat Arwah Akashah dan Arwah Shukree..

I need to pen down my thoughts

I have to say something. I have been thinking to pen down my thoughts for quite sometime now but I just couldn't find the time. Now.. is that an excuse or a reason? It sounded more like an excuse.. well, probably it is.

What do I want to talk about? Here they are (not in any chronological order):-

1. My kids are leaving, they are going back to their mother's hometown in KK. Though I tried to reason it out, I find it so difficult to believe that it is for their own good. Probably I was looking at it from my own perspective. Maybe I should ask them what they really want. But then, would they be able to think whether the whole thing is for their own sake? Sigh.
2. I just got my promotion letter today. Well, it was about time! I had it up to my limit already. Too much work and at times I believe that we do need some form of recognition. Probably for our self-satisfaction. Thank God. Alhamdullillah.
3. My relationship with my mum got better. I am so glad. I learn to respect more of what she wanted to do for me. After all, I am the only son. Though I have never say it to her, "Dear mummy, I love you so much". There it goes. Now, the only thing left is I need to say it out. Easy? Hmmm.. I know that she is always there for me. Yeah, and I know... I've been a bad son for all these years. But at least there are some positive progress.
4. My inclination towards a better Malaysia had never lessen. I got myself more involved in the movement to abolish ISA. I believe that the particular law is too much. I cannot accept the fact that my fellow Malaysians are being charged for crimes that was never proven. They must be proven guilty. If there is no evidence, then just let them go. It is as simple as that. We just cannot locked up people and take away their freedom anymore. It is just not right. ISA must be abolished. It has to stop.
5. I have found a new beginning on how my future could be. I pray to God that there are more good things that will happen out of this.

.. and I shall write again.

Extreme Distress - I Agree

"... it is the nation who is in distress. We are facing economic uncertainty and the citizens are facing all sorts of difficulties facing it. We are losing our competitive edge and we are losing our territories too." - Sheih Azidi

NOTE: Displaying the flag upside down is internationally accepted to denote extreme distress. It is not a sign of disrespect for the flag. Read here.